Embracing Self-Empowerment by Releasing Negative Energy – Part 2
“Have you ever experienced a relationship where you did not feel undermined by silly comments or jokes about you… If you have, then you know you have healthy relationships”
In my blog titled "Releasing the Old Stale, and Negative Energy is the First Step Towards Starting the Life You Desire – Part 1," I discussed concepts that I believe help us let go of negative energy. This is achieved by setting the intention to forgive and release old thoughts and feelings that keep us stuck. In that journey, I outlined steps and concepts that empowered me by changing my old beliefs and perceptions, creating new perspectives, and expanding my awareness of who I am. In each paragraph below, I highlight the changes that aligned me more closely with the experiences I desire.
On this road of discovery, I realized that I was responsible for giving my heart, my trust, and sharing my thoughts. Some of my interactions lacked balance, and I was equally responsible for accepting this imbalance and doing nothing about it. One might ask, "But can't we give our all?" Yes, you can, but it's crucial to know whom to give your all to. That was one of my lessons learned. It’s also a skill we develop as we go through life.
I don’t know about you, but I spent much of my life avoiding "negative emotions" and trying not to be angry with those who hurt me. I had bought into the belief that negative emotions are inherently bad and should be avoided at all costs, lest you be seen as "dysfunctional." While trying to understand forgiveness, the resentment in my heart—anger at those who broke my trust—remained. That was until I learned the true nature of negative emotions. What we call "negative emotions" shouldn’t be viewed as bad; instead, they are your intuition screaming at you, urging you to take action and release the negativity.
Negative emotions serve an essential purpose in our lives. The pain we feel is a signal, and it will persist until we acknowledge it and take action. If we avoid dealing with it, this pain can manifest as physical illness. Therefore, instead of avoiding these feelings, we must find wise ways to acknowledge them and then let them go. Resentment, for example, is often a protective mechanism. While in pain, you instinctively keep the person who hurt you at a distance. When I understood that the resentment in my heart was protecting me, I was able to feel grateful for it and, consequently, let it go. I realized that I could set boundaries and say NO to inappropriate behaviour.
I began to focus on how I wanted people to treat me, which led me to treat myself with the same love and respect. By respecting my own feelings, I learned about boundaries. Of course, to reach that place, I had to first understand what I wanted from a relationship and how I wanted interactions to be. Most importantly, I had to reflect on what it means to have a healthy relationship.
Many of us aren’t clear on this. We grow up with limiting beliefs, like "Be a good person, or you’ll be punished," or "Always be polite." Acting on these beliefs can hinder our understanding of boundaries because every belief has both positive and negative aspects, which can be appropriate or inappropriate depending on the situation.
Sometimes you have to say NO to certain behaviours, even if that NO might seem impolite. Our fear of saying NO can sometimes make us vulnerable, putting us in positions where we could be seen as victims.
Therefore, we must prioritize ourselves. In the case of broken trust, you must speak up and tell the person, NO, I will not allow that behaviour again. Sometimes this means setting strict boundaries.
Am I aware of how I am treating myself?
When we accept unacceptable behaviour towards us, it means we’re not loving ourselves the way we should.
Be courageous. If you don’t feel respected, you must overcome your fears (for example, the fear of conflict or the fear that you’ll be seen as a bad person). You must be truthful to yourself, follow your heart, and put an end to what may be hurting you inside.
I released myself from the guilt of allowing unacceptable behaviour towards me. I was naïve, but I now understand that I wasn’t a victim; I was responsible for accepting what happened. That was my biggest mistake, but also my greatest learning experience and the key to empowering myself. When I take responsibility for my pain, I become powerful, illustrating why consequences can lead to positive outcomes. Owning our mistakes makes us powerful because, with this understanding, you realize you have the power to say NO, even if it means making a few more mistakes while learning to set boundaries.
Remember, it’s okay to make mistakes in the process of defending yourself, as long as your heart is in the right place and you genuinely want to do the right thing—meaning you wish no harm to others. As stated in the Hippocratic Oath: "First, do no harm," or as the Golden Rule from the Bible advises: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
I now understand why those who hurt me behaved the way they did. Firstly, they were also hurt and unaware, and their actions were rooted in a survival instinct to protect themselves. Like me, they were operating from their own limiting beliefs, and we met in our shadows to learn from each other. I am grateful for the lessons and the growth. Without these interactions and the accompanying suffering, I might still be attached to abusive relationships.
Releasing, letting go, or forgiving isn’t about forgetting or condoning someone’s behaviour. It’s about freeing yourself from the guilt and shame of allowing them to behave that way towards you. As you become aware, you understand why it happened and gain the power to prevent it from happening again. All the suffering taught me that forgiveness or releasing the pain was never about them—it was about me. And for that lesson, I thank them.
This journey has made me more independent. It has helped me create healthy boundaries, speak up when needed, and defend myself without guilt. I started listening to my inner voice and acting on it, respecting myself by not allowing such behaviour again. I began to feel more love for myself, which, to me, is one definition of feeling powerful. I now look forward to setting boundaries and creating positive interactions.
Based on my experience, a good interaction is defined by feeling respected. That feeling serves as my guide for deciding which relationships are worth keeping, which ones to let go of, which ones to set boundaries with, and which new ones to welcome and nurture.
I’m not just focused on the faults of others; this rule applies to me as well. I must also avoid behaviours that I deem unacceptable in others because true respect and love are reciprocal.
In conclusion, see each challenging experience as a lesson. Practice the skill of letting go of negative energy by reflecting on it and then deciding to release it with awareness. Forgive yourself first, and then extend compassion to those who may have hurt you. If they truly understood, they might not have acted as they did.
With that perspective, you can open your heart, continue to love their soul, free yourself from guilt for disliking their behaviour, empower yourself to set boundaries, and set the tone for the kinds of relationships you want to maintain. If we forgive ourselves as the primary means of releasing old stale negative energy, and if we live by the concept that we are all connected, united we are one, then as I forgive myself, I naturally forgive those who have hurt me, recognizing that they are merely a reflection of me — my shadow.
In my next blog, I intent to reinforce the importance of letting go the old stale negative energy that no longer serves us, and I will discuss why I believe “We lose our power when holding negative emotions without awareness”.